i feel like nothing is worth living for. my heart breaks everyday and i don't know why. i try to drown everything in alcohol and life still feels helpless. i'm 17 years old and i don't feel that i am worth anything. i try to hold it all in and be responsible and make sense of everything as i go along but the tears rolling down my face are screaming help me, and no one even looks up. i don't know how long i can go on like this. something has to happen. i can't do this anymore.

May 15, 2006? last blog entry.  Oh geeze i'm a slacker. No one's going to read this probably.  Jason Ruggles.. die hard fan of xanga, has unknowingly inspired me to write another blog. It is now April 7, 2008.  So much has changed these last two years.  I've learned a thousand lessons and made a million mistakes.  I'm not the same person i was.  I've learned to love life.  I've learned to live life.  I've learned when to hold on and what to let go.  I've realized that you can laugh at just about anything.  I've learned to live life in the moment.  Not to worry about the things and people you can't change.  I've learned not to waste my time being angry or resentful or hateful.. but instead to fill my mind soul and body with love, laughter, and forgiveness.  I've learned to appreciate the sunshine and the rain.  I've realized that nothing is forever, so if you have something good make the most of it, because you never know when God will choose to take it away.  I've learned that my best friend will always be my brother Aaron.  I've learned that just about anything can be turned into a rap song.  I've learned that tans are over-rated and that i am beautiful no matter what you say.  I've learned that i'm not perfect and neither are you.  I've learned that life is love.  So let the sunshine in through your bedroom window and thank God for today.  Today is a gift.  and so is that breath that you just took.

peace.   

It's about to be a FUUUUUUUUN weekend :)

by the way kids Heather's turning the big 18 on May 28th so get her lots of presents lol!!!! and me too while your at it!!! lol just kidding guyz about presents for me anyway cuz i wasn't kidding about heather....maybe you could get her like a new Porsh or something because i think she might like that :) ooooooooo ya babii!!!!

I LOVE YOU HEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ALLLLLLLLLLLI~

"I see your true colors shining through

i see your true colors and thats why i love you....""

What are your true colors????